As I enjoy my daily breakfast of Moosecock and Eggs, I reflect upon what it means to be Canadian. In the process, I spill Maple Syrup all over my Cowichan sweater and compromise the garment’s ability to make me look suave. So I grab my dinner jacket (plaid flannel) off of my Deer Antler Coat Rack and slip into my well-used Sorels.
My coat smells like 2 Stroke, which is perfect because I’ve got a hot date later today. It’s a scientifically proven fact that girls like it when you smell like their dad.
The entrance to my igloo is sagging so I’ll have to fix that later today; July and August were especially tough on my humble abode this year. I’m chalking it up to Global Warming.
I step outside into the warmth of a -65 day and it’s truly glorious. I look out towards my traps and see that my neighbour Daryl has decided to help himself to the ensnared beaver that what would have otherwise been my dinner tonight and my toque tomorrow.
“Thanks Daryl!” I yell over the frozen expanse of ice and snow.
Canadians only have a few stereotypes, but they seem to be cemented in the international consciousness: We’re polite to a fault, it’s always winter here, we eat beaver, etc.
Ask us to define ourselves as a culture and most of us will offer a feeble declaration of what we are not:
I mean, c’mon…are we really that unimaginative? No. But this country of ours is sooooooooohhhhhhhhh beeeeeeg. It’s hard for us to think as a unit. Wouldn’t it be sweet if there was some sort of bursary that would pay for half of every Canadian Citizens’ trip across this gargantuan country of ours? That might tighten things up in the old identity department.
Would I feel more Canadian if, in the span of three months, I:
a) ate lobster on a stormy Atlantic sea
b) carved le glace on the slopes of Quebec
c) made poor life choices on a big-city dancefloor
d) watched the sun swallow a sea of wheat during an epic sunset
e) wrastled a calf and bound its hooves
f) enjoyed a Pacific storm’s multiple manifestations of H20 goodness
Frickin’ Rights I would, eh.
Let’s all get high on some Canada….